March 30, 2010

For each time you use this font, a puppy dies.

Watchmen coverThe Dark Knight Returns cover
Here we have Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, two of the most important comic books (or "graphic novels", if you want to get all fancy) to emerge in the past 30 years.

Together, these two books dramatically transformed the face of comics as we know them today. Some of the changes were fantastic, while others... not so much.

But as much fun as it would be to rag on the memetic dead horse that is Rob Liefeld, sadly this post isn't about the Dark Age of comic books... No, today I'm going to discuss one of the more sinister contributions these two books have wrought upon this green blue round spinning Earth... Comic Sans.

Hello! I am (supposed to be) a bunch of words rendered in Comic Sans!
Yes, believe it or not, these two books were partially responsible for the creation of Comic Sans, one of the most controversial computer typefaces ever created. (To put this into perspective, my current blogging platform carries Times, Arial, Courier, Verdana, Lucida, and even the absolutely pointless Webdings... but not Comic Sans. A wise decision, I say.)

I can imagine what you're thinking: "What's the big deal about Comic Sans? It's just a font. Isn't it kind of silly for loads of people to hate on it that much?"

Ahh, but therein lies its deceptive charm. Behind those cute, rounded little letters is a protracted history of shock, horror, and inappropriately cheery usage. See, the problem with Comic Sans is that aside from the odd home-printed children's novel or... uh... erm... hold on, let me think of something...

(*five minutes and an arbitrary quantity of fruitless searches on Google later*)

Anyway, my point is that there is virtually NO other context wherein such a font would be deemed remotely apt or useful! To demonstrate my point...

pretend you're seeing Comic Sans used in a wedding invitation. *shudder*The priest also wore clown shoes.

"But Comic Sans was never intended to be used for weddings anyway! You're comparing apples to oranges!" Oh, am I? When you really think about it, the font doesn't even work all that great in explicitly silly contexts either!

(Hey, I did say "when you really think about it")

And the two greatest comic books pictured at the top of this very post were directly responsible for this carnage! Herein lies proof:
Mr. Connare* says he pulled out the two comic books he had in his office, "The Dark Knight Returns" and "Watchmen," and got to work, inspired by the lettering and using his mouse to draw on a computer screen. Within a week, he had designed his legacy.
See? SEE?! The freakin' Wall Street Journal said so!

Now, my friends, our mission has become clear.

On the other hand... perhaps we've been going about this all wrong. Maybe Comic Sans isn't an enemy after all... maybe it should be construed as more of a creative challenge! A mental exercise to come up with a situation where Comic Sans wouldn't be so horridly inappropriate!

...

...


AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

An entire batch of college graduates victimized! Including me!

AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

And a Josh Groban CD is in my shot!

AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

We must not let this evil font besmirch yet another momentous, illustrious event! DOWN WITH COMIC SANS!!!
(*grabs torch and pitchfork from nearby hatstand*)



________
*Vincent Connare, the guy who created Comic Sans... please don't kill him, he didn't realize what he had done.

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